'Fiscal fortunes' at Euro 2012

Who is in the money and who is going bust in Poland and Ukraine...

'BOOM TIME'

WAYNE ROONEY'S BRAIN - For many years now the In-Ger-Land man has been held up as a walking amoeba when it came to intelligence. He could play football, boy could he play football, but he just wasn’t very clever, poor Wayne. However, Fabio Capello has come to his defence and claimed that Rooney “understands Scottish”. Bravo! Anyone who’s tried to have a half-decent conversation with Kenny Dalglish knows just how incredibly tough that is. So Wayne’s bilingual, who would have thought it? (P.S. we are aware Capello was having a dig at Rooney...we thought it unfair)

EURO POP - For years now the sports boys have been the bane of 7DAYS Towers. The incessant Euro dance music emanating from our desks has proved just too much for the more studious hacks in the newsroom. If it isn’t a bit of Ace of Base or Roxette we have on full volume it’s Eiffel 65 or Vengaboys. We still cannot understand their problem... Anyway, we now have a new star whose dulcet tones can annoy them and dominate Euro Pop for years to come. We give you...Lukas Podolski. Yep, the German striker has teamed up Cologne-based band Brings for the Euro Pop single called ‘Halleluja’. Hallelujah indeed!

'ABOUT TO DEFAULT'

GAZZETTA DELLO SPORT - In a tournament that has seen more episodes of racism than you thought possible in the 21st century, what should a leading Italian paper NOT do when discussing Mario Balotelli, his country’s star striker? Well, one of the possible answers is depict him in a cartoon as King Kong, the famous gorilla. But that’s exactly what those idiot hacks have done with a player who was subject to racist abuse in Italy’s match against Croatia. The paper has apologised but clearly showed as much brains as the racists who throw bananas on the pitch...

RIO FERDINAND - The scorned Manchester United man and UK Garage DJ has finally hit out at Roy Hodgson. Not brave enough to do so when he was understandably left out of In-Ger-Land’s Euro squad, DJ Rio has waited to spin this tune until after his old side have been so thoroughly outclassed that it was like watching a puppy be kicked to death. Brave timing, Rio, very brave...He claimed horrible Hodgson got his tactics all wrong, that youngsters weren’t used enough and that he wouldn’t have picked Pirlo if he was In-Ger-Lish. Anything else you’d like to get off your chest, Rio? 

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I regret sincerely that my words may have shocked...I love the France team, I love football and I have deep respect for the fans” - Samir Nasri is clearly worried about the prospect of a two year ban from the French national side as he apologises for his foul-mouthed rant at a journalist a full four days after it took place ...